QUOTES PAGE.

JEN QUOTES

  • "I think my gerbil's having a wank" [year 11]
  • "It's like buying a car without checking if the gear stick works" [on the subject of no sex before marriage - year 12]
  • "And we'll paint him naked. No, not you" [year 12]
  • "If I had a penis it would be a real intestine breaker" [to a frightened Sean - year 12]
  • "General erection" [Freudian slip. Nuff said. Year 12]
  • "I can't BELIEVE you don't like playing 'Catch the Tapeworm'" [to Emily... year 12]
  • "You realise, Moos, that you are the only boy I can talk to about my phlegm." [year 12]
  • "OH MY GOD... IT'S SVEN... AND HE'S WALKING FORWARDS!!!!!" [year 11]
  • "You have the stamina of a MOUNTAIN LION!" [to Lucy... year 11]
  • "Let's LEG ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!" [to Hannah, while we were in a graveyard. Year 11]
  • "He is the biggest, smelliest, squishiest, squidgiest, greenest, most rotten turd on the street of life..." [to Katie about a crap guy, year 12]
  • "If you see me walking with a blond guy, it's probably MD. If you see me being groped by a blond guy, it's definitely MD. If you see me snogging a blond guy, then Gman's dyed his hair..." [year 12]

 

ONE LINERS

  • "I had a dream that Boris Johnson raped me, IT'S NOT FUNNY" - Soff [year 11]
  • "I can't imagine HER getting on the back of HIS bike!" - Emily [year 11]
  • "Is my head REALLY shrunken?" - Soff [year 11]
  • "Isn't Shakespeare, like, dead?" - Hidez [year 11]
  • "Jen, you talk a lot of rubbish, you could be a politician" - Riggers <3 [year 11]
  • "Music is like chocolate, you keep the good stuff and throw away the rapper" - Josh
  • "I feel like a roast potato" - Hannah [on the way to WAS =D year 11]
  • "What's make up sex, is that when you have sex and wear make up?" - Lucy [year 12]
  • "No one wants to hear about penises at this time in the morning!!" - irate year 13 [Classic moment... year 12]
  • "Allow me to escort you out of your short skort on the squort" - Poppy [year 12]
  • "What's jizz mean?" - my brother [year 12]
  • "SANTA IS A PERVERT" - my brother [randomly... year 12]
  • "My mum says he has a REALLY big cock" - Roxy [Daniel Radcliffe, that is. Year 12]
  • "Gorgeous Brown" - Poppy [Freudian slip - year 11]
  • "That's not rude, it's a sausage!" - Fran during Psychology [year 12]
  • "Aww Jen, have sex so we can goss about it..." - Anon [year 12]
  • "I was in Tesco once and I got an erection. There were no survivors..." - Judd [year 12]
  • "Voulez-vous FUCK OFF!!" - Poppy during Eurovision party [year 11]
  • "I play with children on a trampoline" - Scotty [year 11]
  • "So imagine you're driving along in space. and you come to the traffic lights, but you don't see it's red and hit an old lady" - Mallett [year 11]
  • "Hello Stinky!" - random guy on the phone [year 11] 
  • "I still can't believe the Tories are the same as the Labours!!" - Kirsty showing her political ineptitude [year 12]

 

-CONVERSATIONS-

 "I'm looking for a job"
"I can give you a job"
"What is it and how much does it pay?"
"No, you pay me"
"I've never heard of a job that works like that"
- Dave & Jen [year 11]

 

"Is there any chance you might be pregnant?"
"NOT UNLESS I'M THE VIRGIN MARY"
- A kindly nurse & Jen during an injection

 

"Picasso was Australian"
"Really?"
"No"
- Poppy fails Jen's gullibility test
 


"That looks like it could've come from either end"
"...I'm not hungry anymore"
- Wham & Dan in an Indian restaurant
 


"So has anyone ever gotten married here?"
"MARRY MEEEE KEITH"
- Keith Murray & Emily S [at Somerset House...]

 

 "Fuck!"
"What does that mean?"
"It's a rude word, think sexual intercourse"
"What's that then?"
"Come over here and I'll show you"
- Smeg & Jen

 

"I thought you'd had a heart attack over naked Rivers"
"No, I just went to get a cup of tea"
- Jen & Tamsyn on MSN



"What's the official language of India?"
"LATIN"
- Lucy fails Zamira's impromptu geography test

 


"Jen... would you sell me for Rivers?"
"Yes"
"Oh, THAT'S NICE. Mind you, I'd sell you too"
- Tamsyn & Jen

 

 "Is that a harmonica?"
"No, I think you're having a stroke"
- Jen & Poppy at a bus stop

 

"GIVE ME A P!"
"P"
"GIVE ME AN I!"
"I"
"GIVE ME AN X!"
"X"
"GIVE ME AN I!"
"I"
"GIVE ME AN E!"
"E"
"WHAT DO YOU GET? USELESS!!"
- Jen and Sara in PE, being very athletic

 

"I wish I was a bald, male, asexual pig sometimes"
"Why?"
"...I could wallow around in my own filth"
"Ok then..."
- Lucy tells Jen about her aspirations

 

"Who wrote Peter Pan?"
"Dick van Dyke!"
- Kirsty with another famous Kirstyism

 

-ITALY-

  • "Sod the passport, I want an orange juice!!" - Jen [on being told that not only had she lost her passport, but it had been found at Naples Airport]
  • "Pull the beds apart!!!" - Soff [as Mr Barker entered. He left with a bemused expression]
  •  [trying to order a hot chocolate in Italian] "Erm... une chocolat chaud, please" - Jen
  • "Anyone got any questions before we get off?" - Teddy [on a bus]
  • "And then he took a smythe" - Mario, the tour guide at...
  • "ERCOLANO!" - Teddy
  • "Girls, are you decent?" - Teddy
  • "It was a bomb alert!!" - Jen [to Mr Barker, trying and failing to think of an excuse as to why Jen, Emily, Soff, Vikki, Sam and Roxy would be out in the corridor with a group of boys at night]
  • "I'm a real man"
    "You wish!"
    - Playa gets a significant ego dent from Jen
  • "Uno panini, per se"
    "GOD, it's paninO!"
    - Teddy gets upset with Jen's crap Italian
  • "Oh, Jen's madly in love with Mr Taylor"
    "Well, why WOULDN'T she be? He's suave, sophisticated... and that ODDLY attractive sneer"
    "Are you talking about me?"
    - Soff, Tranny and Teddy
  • "In this palace all sorts of debauchery went on. They used to do things which are unmentionable to impressionable children like yourselves"
    "Was it a Roman version of Skins then?"
    - Teddy and Jen at Tiberius's palace ruins
  • "Girls, get as close to me as you can"
    "Oo-err"
    "WITHOUT FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE"
    - Teddy & Jen at Gatwick Airport

"ISM"s... 

-SAUNDERISMS-

  •  "Joshua's is nowhere near as big as Jen's!!"
  •  "Ooh, Thomas is taking his coat off... I feel ALLLLL FLUSTERED!!"
  •  "Isn't Thomas a naughty boy??"
  •  "I'm not going to give you a kick... ooh, maybe I will"
  •  "Don't mind me behind you, Elliot"
  •  "HA HA HA, Thomas!"
  •  "And they were, if you'll excuse my language, stroking their cocks!!"

She is a genius.

 

-DADISMS-

  • "My ding a ling"
  • "Thems knows everything"
  • "From little acorns big trees grow"
  • "I'm going to point percy at the porcelain"

 

  - HEY HO MANISMS-

  • "Hey ho"
  • "Get up, you paralysed poofter"
  • "C'mon Jon, keep it on the Main line"
  • "WESTWOOD HO"
  • "Don't cook it, Rook it"

 

-FROM THE BEST MSN CONVO EVER-
Judd: As if my hole couldn't be any deeper...
Jen: So Judd, do you have a nice deep hole?
Ant: Does it still need filling?
Ant: He kept digging a hole that we all helped make deeper and deeper...