JEN'S WORKS - uploaded as soon as they're typed!!
12/01/2009 13:01
The Bible (in Chav speak)
THE CREATION
There woz lyk this bloke yeh up in da sky innit and he lyk looked at dis fing yeh and lyk invented Burberry and then lyk all these little alien fings appeared and lyk they had sex lyk and then there woz Earth and stuff innit boh.
ADAM AND EVE
Adam woz...
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12/01/2009 12:58
The Witches Song; Into the Cauldron
Look into my cauldron
Tell me what you see
If you would like
We can sell you a prophecy
One ninety five for a peek
But two pounds fifty for two
And if you look at this one
The King of Scotland will be you!
Yoda we do sound like now
He is a distant...
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12/01/2009 12:54
When all is said and all is done
The battle for Jen's heart is already won
But a battle it was, 'tween good and bad
And popular and unpopular and happy and sad.
Dave was her love, but the joke's getting old
A pussy he was for not being bold
And confessing his love to the glorious Jen
Who is...
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12/01/2009 12:53
Judd grinned, his plan was almost complete!
He planned for Dave a pervy treat
But Dave was busy doing GCSEs
And in his mind he thought of the prince sexy
She disappeared once more over the summer
Just in case Judd tried to bum 'er
In the first week back at school
Jen had blown her princely...
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10/01/2009 12:18
David, I did see thy angelic smile,
Your ears they stick out for a mile
The clouds did part and they did sing
"Dave, I want to be your everything."
But that is tough for your are mine
Your blonde hair with Midas shine
Your angry temper is mine to keep,
You keep me dreaming in my sleep.
I want your...
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10/01/2009 12:17
Once upon a time,
There was a boy named Dave.
[Well, I say boy, but I think he's a MAN.]
He went into town,
And made all the girls rave!
[His ears could be National Heritage, so large are they.]
He had a sexxxy smile
And he didn't need to shave!
[Stubble rash, however, should always be...
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10/01/2009 12:15
I saw the crown jewels,
I met the queen.
But nothing compares to your beauty -
You're a LIVING SEX MACHINE!!
You've got passion, brains and style
You're my one and only Venus
You're my fire, my desire,
And I want to see your... [Nothing rhymes... DOES IT??]
You've got the aura of a...
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10/01/2009 12:13
Your hair hung like a blonde waterfall over the cliffs of your ears;
My passion consumed me, like a fire which burns your house when you set it alight;
Your fingers made funny little gestures at me. I wondered where they'd been,
They looked like they had a few years of experience in them.
Over...
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04/01/2009 14:48
Scelestius Spongia, Ursulam et Troy
Once upon a time, there was a wicked sponge called Fred.
Semel e tempus, quam erat scelestius spongia appellavit Fred.
He was lonely and wanted a wife.
Erat solatque voluit uxor.
So one morning he saw a beautiful woman called Ursula.
Sic unus mane vidit...
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04/01/2009 14:41
Welcome to Sims Pompeii!
Expansion packs include:
- Sims Pompeii: Cogidubnus' Orgy Party [18]
- Sims Pompeii: Nuntius Patius [PG]
- Sims Pompeii: Nuntius Patius; Maior, Longussimi et Undelivered (bigger, longer and undelivered) [18]
- Sims Pompeii: Nox Erat [15]
- Sims Pompeii:...
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02/01/2009 14:44
Episode 2; Who Nose?
Scene 1; The Tardis
Jen: Ooh! Let’s go on another adventure!!
Dave: No, let’s go somewhere where I won’t be tempted to kill you. Hmmm... how about the planet of Germanica, in the galaxy of Europa. I’ve heard about a great Queen there.
Jen: A queen?
Dave: Queen Sabine,...
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27/12/2008 14:49
Judd Harrison is a sex bomb
He gets me in the mood
Especially when he's dancing
And shows me all his "moves"!
He's my favourite ginger
I like him when he's nude!
His orange hair's not just on his top head
But round the other too
On MSN he's charming
James Bond has nothing on him!
Judd's not into...
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18/12/2008 16:09
[NB: No offence to Judd boys. This was written when I still despised them, like Spongebob or Cliff Richard]
Prologue
An Interview With The New Doctor Who Producer, Steven Moffat, Before The New Series ‘Eyre’d
Interviewer: So, Steven – first question, how have you shaken up the hugely popular...
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18/12/2008 16:04
The Prince was silent, a moment rare
She bashed her breast and pulled her hair
The Princess was in love with the Prince's friend
He loved Emley and not the great Jen der Bende
Maidstone however was still a blast
The thought of Primark made Dave aghast!
But then he entered the lingerie section
He...
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18/12/2008 15:59
The Princess was filled with such emotion
For the Prince who had committed such devotion
To writing up their story though short it was
But the Prince had written it just because
She was bored on the way to Cornwall
And decided to make Dave her wonderwall
But Judd and his mates with pervy vigour
Had...
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18/12/2008 15:54
Jen drew out her weapon, still shocked to her core
And shouted, "They don't make 'em like this anymore!!"
Judd let loose a hearty guffaw
"A camera phone? Is that all??" he roared
Jen flipped it open to show a frightening shot
Of Judd getting out his spotty ginge bott',
All present screamed, and...
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18/12/2008 15:51
They waited til Dave one morning awoke
When Jen was passing by Sevenoaks
Going to a party with her bestest friend
Dave’s so called mates planned their end
They sent in their troop with hair bright red
“Judd Harrison reporting from Princess Dave’s bed!”
They went to the kitchen with a poison...
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08/12/2008 22:10
A long time ago, in the kingdom of Tonbridge
There lived a princess whose ears stuck out a smidge
Her beautiful hair was the colour of wheat
But alas, her life was not yet complete
Until one day on the opposite hill
There was a young prince with infinite will
And one day – it was their...
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